Here We Go Again...Keep your Eye on the Prize.

So here's the deal... my firefighter/engineer husband is preparing for his Captain's Promotional Exam.

Before I get started let me tell you one of the biggest things I love to hate about my husband....his drive and his focus when he's striving to achieve something consumes him.

So this promotional exam is huge, not only for my hubby but for our entire family. This would be a ginormous accomplishment for him, to be promoted to Captain after only 6 years of service..That's Like Huge! Here's the thing, my husband has to at all time strive to be the best. At the very top of everything he does, which means that he not only needs to pass this exam, in his eyes he needs to be at the TOP of the qualification list.

So what does this mean for us. Well, it means that Big Daddy needs to prepare, so he has immersed himself in his $300 worth of Captain's Reference books, and we pretty much sit around and wait for him to emerge and spend time with us. No Joke....

But we've been here before. When my husband got accepted to Paramedic school we were so excited. But this came with some sacrifice. His program was Full Time, which meant he would have to quite his job, I would have to pick up more shifts waiting tables, and we would be moving in with my mom and step-dad, sharing 1 bedroom with our then 5 year old daughter and 3 year old son. Yep a full size bed for us and a set of bunk beds for the kiddo's...not so cozy, but it was what it was, and it was the sacrifice we were willing to make to get him through school. We had our eyes on the prize.

I took it all. I knew he had to focus, so I took it all.

Any/all stress, problems, arguments with my mom, I swallowed them, because I couldn't let him loose his focus.

All the times I needed him to talk to or just be with, but he wasn't there because he was studying, I swallowed it.

In PM school you fail one exam, and you're out! But I had my eye on the prize.

A lot of marriages don't survive PM school. My hubby's good friend in his medic school class was one of those marriages that sir come to the stress and pressure of PM school. It's quite sad really. But for us, through the grace of God, our marriage grew stronger.

In fact that's how I got my #3 Paigie, she was my reward for getting him through PM school. He tried to get me to ask for diamond earrings or something, but nope, I wanted another baby! I'll share that story later!

So here we are, 7 years later. All of that hard work paid off. My husband has had an awesome fire career thus far. It's enabled me to be a stay-at-home-mom and be here for him and the kids. I feel so blessed. I am reaping the rewards of my patience with his absence for that year. I am living that prize I so intently had my eyes on.

So why is it I am having such a hard time with this?

It's like I'm angry every time he's studying. He's not home much, and now when he is home he's got his head in his stinkin' books! I feel like he's never here , even when he is physically here.

I know he's doing this for us. It'll mean a pay increase which makes our lives more comfortable. Plus just him proving to himself that if you put in the work all things are possible, and having made that accomplishment in his career would be such a blessing. I'm trying so hard to stay focused, to keep my eye on that new prize. Trying to be a super supportive Firewife. I am so very proud of him. He is my hero as he has moved the world for our family.

It's just this single-mom thing gets tough sometimes. That's how I feel sometimes, like a single-parent. Can anyone relate? Or am I just a big selfish idiot for wanting all my hubby's attention when he happens to be home?

Maybe I should take a page out of his book, and I need to get my focus on! I need to get focused on that new prize, and do what I did 7 years ago, and swallow it. Do what I gotta do to get it done here at home, and keep him focused so that he can kick butt on that test. Swallow my own needs for a couple of months. No great reward comes without sacrifice.

After all, it worked out then, so it should work now...right? Going it alone so he can focus is an aweful hard pill to swallow.... I'm gunna need a lot of water.