Spring break is over, the kids are bummed. I'm not only bummed but exhausted...(but that's par for the course). I have to say I did manage to enjoy this Spring break. Along with a beautiful Easter dinner, that we got to enjoy with my husband and his crew since he got called in for OT, I got to go and visit my best Friend, she lives 200 miles away. It was so much fun and we all had a blast!
Being away from home always affects me. I can always tell when it's been a long time since I have visited her. I start to get bored and kinda lonely. Lonely for that "girl time" us girls need. I get kinda cranky and might I dare say a little depressed. This is not to say that I am not happy with where we are and our lives here in this new town we now call home, but sometimes you just miss your BF when she's that far away. So my husband "happily" sends me on my way because he knows how I will be when I get back....GRATEFUL!
You see he gets to leave our home for at least 48 hours every 4 days, if not more. Me...well as a SAHM, I kinda don't go much of anywhere accept for the gym, grocery store, and Target. (Targets my favorite!) Then my afternoons/evenings I am here, cleaning, cooking, laundry, taking the kids to practice or dance class, homework....well you get the picture.
I really think I sometimes need to step outside my little cocoon, so that I can truely appreciate the blessings that God had bestowed on me, most of all my husband.
I have recently found a few fellow firewives through Twitter and/or Facebook. reading there blogs and posts has reminded me of that which I already know, my time with my husband is precious!
Being married to a firefighter is NOT easy...it's a blessing...but not easy. It took me a while before I could get that voice out of my head, "what if something happens...what if he gets hurt...what if he doesn't come home?". Attending a firefighter friend's funeral was one of the worse days of my life, and something I hope to never have to do again, although I know someday I will. I suppose that this could be true for anyone, but it is especially true for my husband. You see when bad stuff happens and everyone is running out, my husband is running in. And unfortunately for me, he's fast and like to be the first one in, you could say he's a bit of an adrenaline junkie (lucky me). I guess I knew this when I married him. Don't tell him, but that was my main reason I was excited when he got promoted to engineer, if his truck is first on a fire, he stays with the truck and doesn't go running into the burning building.
Most of the time I can turn off that little voice, I have to because it scares me. But sometimes I can't. Sometimes it keeps me up at night. I think he knows when I have had a bad night, because I hug him so tight when he gets home I just about suffocate him. He doesn't know it, but sometimes I cry in the dark after we've "been together" because my heart aches at the thought of my life without him.
You see I consider myself extremely fortunate...I married my best friend. We laugh together like a million times a day, we finish each other's sentences, we know what the other is thinking even before they say it. I watch him with our children, and he is so kind, loving ,and funny. I see the pride in there eyes when they tell people , "my Daddy is a Firefighter!". But I also feel the pain when they ask, "when's daddy coming home?". I really don't think I could've picked a better dad for my babies. We still hold hands and are not ashamed of our PDAs (even though the kids think it's gross). We love each other so much, and aren't afraid to show it.
There is no me...without him.
So while I'm away, I am reminded of just how much this wonderful and brave man means to me. I am reminded just how poud of him I am for the job he does helping people EVERYDAY. I am reminded of how each day with him is precious. This reminds me not to sweat the small stuff. To bite my tongue when he leaves the peanut Butter jar on the counter...open, or leaves his dirty socks on the floor in the living room. Sometimes I love those socks on the living room floor...because that means he's here....and he's safe.
I am grateful for those other firewife bloggers. It's nice to have someone who can relate. I don't think that people understand that being a fire family is not only a sacrifice for the firefighter, but for his entire family as well. We don't just sacrifice our time with my husband, but we sacrifice that everytime he leaves out that door...he might not come back. My husband loves his job and we love him. It has afforded us to live a blessed life and to have many extended family members we might not otherwise had. His being a firefighter has been both a sacrifice and a blessing, and I really couldn't imagine him doing anything else.
I guess what I am trying to say is this.... Life is precious. Don't let your spouse leave in the morning without kissing him goodbye. Make the most of everyday. I guess Grandma was right when she told me we should never go to bed angry, and we always make sure to follow that rule. But most of all...no matter what always remain...GRATEFUL.
I do!
