Wordless Wednesday

This Rainbow was over our house a couple of weeks ago,

was just too beautiful not to share!

(I wonder if there was a pot of gold? I probably

shoulda went and checked that out!)

Mother's Day= My Yearly Evaluation

How in the heck is it already MAY???

Well it being May and all, it means here comes Mother's Day.

Mother's Day kinda is a mixed up ball of emotions for me.

First it's kinda hard because I don't have the greatest relationship with my own mother. In the last 5 years or so I have developed a rather strong backbone and have finally be able to express things that have bothered me for YEARS about my mother, her life, and many of the things that happened in our home when I was little. This has left our relationship, well....... I really don't know how to describe our relationship but lately I have decided to let go of a lot of things because the only person all my anger was hurting was myself. So I did that for me.

Mother's day also makes me really miss my Grandma, she was my best friend. Especially the last 6 years of her life. It was like once I became a mother, we understood each other. It's like before that she was just my cranky and stern Grandma who was always giving me unwanted advice. Only once I became a mom, her advice made SO much sense. Now I get what she had been telling me my whole life. I'm sure she's somewhere up in heaven laughing right now that I just said that! I used to talk to her two times a day and can still hear her laugh when I would tell her all the crazy stuff my kids were up to. She'd tell me they were just like me when i was little, always up to something. God I miss her......

I have two very strong and very different emotions when I think about these two women in my life. I think that's what has lead me to think about how my kids might think about me. Now every year, I always try to take a quiet moment, when/if I find one, and I reflect on the past year and on the job I have done as a Mother. I know that no Mom is perfect, but this is just my way of looking back and seeing where I went right, and where I can stand to make some little/or big adjustments.

Well, here's how this year went:

First I think I've done pretty good in that I have three really happy kids!

~They are well behaved (well at least in public which to me is most important, nothing looks worse than when some one's kids are just plain out naughty in public)

~They have wonderful manners. (I love it when people tell me that!)

~They are doing great in school, and Midget did great at her Kindergarten eval FTW!

( Mama home schooled all three for pre-school, I was just to greedy to send them off to pre-school)

~My kids love me and know that they are loved with all that I am. (this one I think is most important)

~My kids laugh about a million times a day (I guess I am kinda funny!)

~I love my husband with all that I am and show that in the respect, love I give him and how I take good care of him. By having such an awesome relationship with my husband, I/we are teaching them what true love is and how a marriage should be. How they should treat their husband/wife and how they should be treated by them as well.

~My kids get tons of encouragement, I think this is one of the reasons they have such good self-esteem. (I'm still working on mine)

~ My kids respect me, I guess that means that I have done what it takes to earn their respect and love.

Things I need to improve:

~Patience, I guess I could use a bit more of that

~Yelling, well I guess that goes along with patience but I could stand to yell a little less, I never wanted to be the mom that yells.

~Energy, I need to start taking better care of my health so that I will have more energy for them, but man they ware me out some days!

~Stop worrying so much, I think my brain is going to explode some days, I'm constantly worried everyday about EVERYTHING. This might be why I have no patience or energy.

~ Stop worrying about the things we don't have, and concentrate on being thankful for the things we do.

Well hey!!! My good list is longer than my need to improve list!

I'd say for last year I'd give myself a strong B+.

My Hubby ordered me the Lisa Leonard Necklace I've had my eye on like forever. http://www.lisaleonardonline.com/custom-necklaces/teenie-tiny-initials-necklace.html He's not very good at taking hints, so I sent him an e-mail that included the link, chain size, ordering instructions, and my discount code. (I think he got the hint lol) It still took me sitting down and doing the ordering for him, couldn't leave anything to chance like him putting the wrong initial on one of the charms LOL.

Now that I have done my annual Mommy Eval on myself, I think I am going to accept that beautiful necklace, and actually feel like I deserve it! For those of you that know me, you know how hard it is for me to say that.

On Mother's Day, I'm going to enjoy some great food with my kids, my hubby (after he works for 6 hours at the station in the morning Grrrrr it's the life of a firewife right? ) and my mom and step-dad.

I'll be thinking about my grandma and my Little Grannie too. I'll be wishing that they could be there to enjoy the day with us, although they are always their in spirit.

I'm going to enjoy spending with those those great kids of mine, and we'll laugh a million times, and I'll accept a million hugs Sunday. They always seems to hug me a little more on Mother's Day, which I don't mind and just absolutely love!

And my heart will smile, each and every time I hear, "Happy Mother's Day Mom....I love you!"

Here We Go Again...Keep your Eye on the Prize.

So here's the deal... my firefighter/engineer husband is preparing for his Captain's Promotional Exam.

Before I get started let me tell you one of the biggest things I love to hate about my husband....his drive and his focus when he's striving to achieve something consumes him.

So this promotional exam is huge, not only for my hubby but for our entire family. This would be a ginormous accomplishment for him, to be promoted to Captain after only 6 years of service..That's Like Huge! Here's the thing, my husband has to at all time strive to be the best. At the very top of everything he does, which means that he not only needs to pass this exam, in his eyes he needs to be at the TOP of the qualification list.

So what does this mean for us. Well, it means that Big Daddy needs to prepare, so he has immersed himself in his $300 worth of Captain's Reference books, and we pretty much sit around and wait for him to emerge and spend time with us. No Joke....

But we've been here before. When my husband got accepted to Paramedic school we were so excited. But this came with some sacrifice. His program was Full Time, which meant he would have to quite his job, I would have to pick up more shifts waiting tables, and we would be moving in with my mom and step-dad, sharing 1 bedroom with our then 5 year old daughter and 3 year old son. Yep a full size bed for us and a set of bunk beds for the kiddo's...not so cozy, but it was what it was, and it was the sacrifice we were willing to make to get him through school. We had our eyes on the prize.

I took it all. I knew he had to focus, so I took it all.

Any/all stress, problems, arguments with my mom, I swallowed them, because I couldn't let him loose his focus.

All the times I needed him to talk to or just be with, but he wasn't there because he was studying, I swallowed it.

In PM school you fail one exam, and you're out! But I had my eye on the prize.

A lot of marriages don't survive PM school. My hubby's good friend in his medic school class was one of those marriages that sir come to the stress and pressure of PM school. It's quite sad really. But for us, through the grace of God, our marriage grew stronger.

In fact that's how I got my #3 Paigie, she was my reward for getting him through PM school. He tried to get me to ask for diamond earrings or something, but nope, I wanted another baby! I'll share that story later!

So here we are, 7 years later. All of that hard work paid off. My husband has had an awesome fire career thus far. It's enabled me to be a stay-at-home-mom and be here for him and the kids. I feel so blessed. I am reaping the rewards of my patience with his absence for that year. I am living that prize I so intently had my eyes on.

So why is it I am having such a hard time with this?

It's like I'm angry every time he's studying. He's not home much, and now when he is home he's got his head in his stinkin' books! I feel like he's never here , even when he is physically here.

I know he's doing this for us. It'll mean a pay increase which makes our lives more comfortable. Plus just him proving to himself that if you put in the work all things are possible, and having made that accomplishment in his career would be such a blessing. I'm trying so hard to stay focused, to keep my eye on that new prize. Trying to be a super supportive Firewife. I am so very proud of him. He is my hero as he has moved the world for our family.

It's just this single-mom thing gets tough sometimes. That's how I feel sometimes, like a single-parent. Can anyone relate? Or am I just a big selfish idiot for wanting all my hubby's attention when he happens to be home?

Maybe I should take a page out of his book, and I need to get my focus on! I need to get focused on that new prize, and do what I did 7 years ago, and swallow it. Do what I gotta do to get it done here at home, and keep him focused so that he can kick butt on that test. Swallow my own needs for a couple of months. No great reward comes without sacrifice.

After all, it worked out then, so it should work now...right? Going it alone so he can focus is an aweful hard pill to swallow.... I'm gunna need a lot of water.

There's always a bridge to cross, just gotta take that first step.

Wordless Wednesday

Look What I Did!

I've always loved making cakes! I made this one for my girlfriend's little girl Emma's 3rd birthday. She loved it! Everyone else did too! I was quite proud of the way it came out.

I wasn't quite sure what to get Emma for her birthday so I had a last minute lightbulb moment and thought of just the thing. I had picked up a really cute pattern for children's aprons at Joanns last week and thought she'd love a Minnie inspired apron. She's always helping her mom in the kitchen and I thought this apron idea would be just too cute!

So I ran down to Joanns..again...and picked up some red with white polka dotted fabric, buttons and some ric rac and got to work! I think it came out kinda cute for my first one. I added the ribbon and button detail on the pocket last minute just to give it a little something extra!

Emma loved it, and I hope she'll enjoy wearing it while spending her special time with her mommy! Only one problem, Paige and Baily, Emma's big sister, flipped over the apron so it looks like I'll be heading to Joanns...again... to pick up some more fabric to put together two more !

Lookin Up!

Wordless Wednesday

Sew Much is Changing...

Things are always changing...I guess that's something that none of us can do anything about. Well some of it I guess we can, like my ever expanding and retracting waistline, but that another story all together.

Everything changes. Some changes are good, some changes are bad. But most changes are just hard.

Changing locations was a hard one. Moving from Southern California 200 miles North to Central California, that one was a toughie. Complicated by the fact that I was 5 months preggers with my midget and my baby boy was starting Kindergarten the day following the move. Again that's a whole other story. Although this change was hard..it turned out to be a huge blessing. What made this change okay was that my husband was finally after almost 10 years following the Fire Academy going to be working FT at a city department doing the job that he loves and has dreamed of doing since he was a boy. That kind of accomplishment for my Hubby was huge! Not only for him but for our entire family. The change of location was hard, but ended up being one of the best decisions we've ever made as a family, and as long as the 5 of us, well the 4 3/4 of us at the time, were together...well that was all that mattered.

Now we've been here almost 6 years, and if you did the math, the huge change that I'm struggling with is my Midget going to Kindergarten. She's so excited! Me...uh...not so much. My husband has afforded me the privilege of being home with my kids since we moved her to Tulare. So that little booger has been attached to my hip her entire life. She's kinda my partner in crime. She'll start Kinder in August which will leave me here, at home, alone. My husband works like 5 side jobs, okay I'm exaggerating but you get the point, so I am her alone...A LOT! I found myself obsessing on this fact and even counting down the days until she would be leaving me.

I know, self-torture.

For now I have come to realize I need to start embracing these changes. Well the biggest reason is because moping around all the time, and crying every time I think about it just wasn't working out that well for me or my family. I am excited for her and can't wait for her to have all those awesome adventures that are awaiting her at school, just sad she won't be here with me. I am hoping that a PT job at the school will come my way, so that I can keep occupied in the mornings, and still be Queen of the Volunteers at my kids' schools in the afternoon, and Super Mommy in the evenings.

So I decided for now I needed to get back to do something I love, a somewhat of a distraction. My sewing machine had broke about 5 years ago. Unfortunately I am one of those people whom find it extremely difficult to purchase big items, well really rather anything, for myself. So thankfully my mom got me a new Singer machine for Christmas. Well now it's April, and I've pulled Bessie out of her box and I'm ready to SEW!!!

I'm hoping that this will not only be an outlet for me to keep my mind of of you-know-who ditching me and going to Kindergarten, and in the mean time I can make some pretty things for the people that I love! I got a good start last night I threw together a dress for Paigie, well not exactly, I was up until 1am and was sewing while the kids were asleep because that way if the "F" bomb got thrown they weren't around to catch it LOL! It Didn't turn out too bad for the first thing that I've sewn in 5 years! She loves it so that's all that matters! Hopfully I'll be too busy sewing to think about the changes that are about to happen in August and I'm over the Gloomy Guss days. I'm sure their not gone entirely, after all I am human, but if/when those days come I feel blessed enough to say that I have a great support system to help get me through it, and who knows maybe this change will turn out to be a blessing too! (I said maybe lol)

Sew many things are changing, it's not easy to accept some of them, but I am going to make an effort to do just that, and not only accept those changes but embrace them and make the most of it!

Life is what you make of it....SEW let's just see what I make next!